Man & Woman

22 April 2018 Sunday 4:22pm

If peace can only be found within – which is another way of saying, “I’ve found out how to be happy with myself,” then how come some people pay crazy money to get advice and be trained to be able to be happy with themselves?

That is because many still believe that the only way to be happy is to have the perfect relationship. And that includes the relationship with themselves. Some unhappy people are always looking for solutions to their unhappiness. They believe that with the proper advice and with the proper guidance they will surely find the prefect relationship that will bring them true happiness for the rest of their lives. There is no such thing as true happiness. There is only true peace. And that peace can never be found outside of you. It is from within. When the soul has accepted this truth, that is when the soul will no longer need anything. Not even a relationship.

Then what are you talking about when you speak of the relationship of man and woman being the saving factor of this world from its own destruction? Isn’t that pertaining towards us working towards a perfect relationship? Which you have just mentioned that a soul at peace with itself does not need?

Do you have peace?

Yes, I have peace.

Do you need a relationship right now?

No, not really.

But it would be nice to be in one, yes?

Yes. It would be fun to have someone to hang around with.

But it is not compulsory for you?

Nope.

Even for the rest of your life?

Yup. Where is this going, God?

Just checking. Checking how you are.

So how am I?

You’re perfectly fine.

I am, aren’t I? With or without a relationship, I am perfectly fine.

But it would be fun?

Yes, most definitely. If you call a lot of hard work fun, then yes.

It’s all a matter of having the right mindset, my dear.

I know that. If I didn’t have the right mindset, do you think I’d have reached this far?

No, you wouldn’t have. But with you, my dear, anything is possible.

Thank you for that vote of confidence. But you still haven’t answered my question – Why is the relationship of a man and a woman the saving factor of this world from its own destruction?

This world is an illusion, you already know that. I created the illusion of dyads in order for myself to experience myself, you already know that too. And the greatest illusion of all is that of man and woman. At the moment you also know that the spiritual make of this dyad is, as you like to say, out of whack. The mistaken belief in the illusion that the male is superior to the female is the root of all your problems in this world. If you can’t fix that then there is nothing you can fix. All of you created that mistaken belief for a purpose. And that is for all of you to experience that it doesn’t work. We have now come at an era where the world is waking up to this truth. Most of you are now awake from the deep sleep of that mistaken belief. But here’s the problem – now that most of you know the problem, most of you also are still not very sure how to fix the problem.

So how do we fix the problem?

What we’re doing here is a good start. We are discussing the problem. And we are putting it out into the world for everyone to digest and maybe come up with their own discussions and suggestions about the problem.

God, you’re sort of going round and round. You still haven’t answered my question about the man-woman-relationship thing.

I can’t answer the question because you yourself do not know the answer, my dear. I am just your word processor, remember?

I forget, actually. Anyway, since this is as far as we’re gonna get on the subject I’ll stop here. I have to prepare dinner now. Thank you for always being around to discuss what’s messing around with my peace.

You’re very welcome. That’s what I am – peace.

Mr Heckler

Mr Heckler2

Can you believe at the age of 50 I still get hecklers?

Although it may not be for the reason you have in mind.

Just this last Sunday, I was at my neighbourhood coffeeshop to buy lunch for my kids and myself when, as I was walking past a queue at a food stall, I heard a chap call out to his friends, “Hey! It’s that lady!” (Actually, it’s happened a couple of times before with heckling whistles and personal space invasion sort of thing…)

I ignored it. Was he referring to me? Could it be because of the way I was dressed?

I sweat perspire easily in Singapore’s hot and humid weather so it is not uncommon for ladies like myself to dress for comfort when they are simply visiting neighborhood shops. I guess my shorts were shorter than usual and my tank top was tighter and thinner than usual. Whatever. (Time for a wardrobe overhaul, anyway.)

“Hey, it’s that lady!” sounds like he knows me even though I have no idea who he is.

Then I realized—It’s my blog! That guy and his friends must be reading my blog! Awesome!

And considering the fact that my blog is more or less inclined towards feminist underpinning, I can understand how men in general may construe the message I would like to convey as biased towards their gender.

Guys, you cannot be more mistaken about this.

Without men, what’s the use of us women empowering ourselves? It’ll be rather redundant, don’t you think?

And besides, wouldn’t you guys like to unburden some of that load to us women with regards to how the world is being run at this moment in time? (And that goes for the spiritual aspect as well.)

Take a load of your back, so to speak. Take a break…Put your feet up…Let us women take some of the responsibility so you can enjoy the ride at the back seat for once…waddaya say?

Anyway. Mr Heckler, thank you. You’re an angel. (I have sent you nothing but angels.) Without you I wouldn’t have known there are men reading my blog. And I’ll have nothing to blog about today. Ha! Your pride has a little dent at the moment?

Either that or you are badly in need of eyes transplant.

Purpose #1 – In order for The New World to be realized we need the cooperation of both men and women.

Purpoe #2 – And ladies? If you want respect, then dress like you respect your Self. (Then what about your, “Once you care what others think of you, they own you” thingy?) You care about you. Aka “Believing in your Self.”

Another Person With Great Insight…A Must Read, Guys! And Gals.

I Didn’t Love My Wife When I Married Her (from http://www.viralnova.com)

You may think you love someone, but sometimes, it’s not the real kind. After years of being married, one man discovered what love truly is… and that he didn’t love his wife when he married her. Not even close. This is his letter:

love-my-wife

I’m a ridiculous, emotional, over-sentimental sap.

I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date.

I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I wanted to tell her on the first date, but I knew that would probably be weird. I still remember her reaction. She kind of gave me this half-shy, half-amused smile. Then she nodded and looked off into the sky. I wasn’t heartbroken by the response. I think part of me recognized that she was much smarter and more modest than me. But as time has gone on, I also realized that she knew something that I didn’t. Like most Hasidic Jews (we both became religious later in life), our dating period lasted a very short time.

After two months of dating, we were engaged. Three months after that, we were married. And that whole time I was swooning. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. But then we got married, and everything changed.

Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you get into an argument? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket?

There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. And at first, it drove me nuts. That emotion meant love! That excitement was how I knew I cared for her! But suddenly, life was this grind. Even when I was with her. Especially when I was with her.

And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. Like, when I offered to do the dishes. Or make dinner after she had a hard day. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. It just kept happening. But I think it had an effect on me.

Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. This look of absolute love. One that was soft and so beautiful.

It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. But eventually it became clear. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey.

And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable. I didn’t love my wife on that second date. I didn’t love her when we got engaged. I didn’t even love her when we got married. Because love isn’t an emotion. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry.

But it wasn’t love. No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own.

Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? Because it wasn’t for her. It was for me. An emotion I had in my chest. And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love. Being sappy isn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do. And that’s why my wife just gave me that half-smile. She knew, even if I didn’t, what love really is.

And now that I’ve tried to change the way I look at love, the more I become shocked at the messages of love I had gotten when I was younger. From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever.

I can’t imagine a bigger lie.

And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well.

I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. A country of people trying to live a Disney movie. That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages.

It’s sad to see just how common all the above is.

How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to. Those people deserve better. We all deserve better.

It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. It’s time that we redefine it. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common. Loveless marriages. Divorce. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.