How Do I Find Peace Again

(I read this on Neale’s latest CWG Foundation bulletin. I thought it’s worth sharing.)

Letters to Neale:

How do I find peace, again?

Reader question:

Dear Neale,

First, I want to thank you for writing your books and having the patience and perseverance to complete all of them and see them through to publishing.  I began reading them when my daughter Allison was born with Noonan Syndrome.  She was ill off and on and endured 7 surgeries in 9 years.  I was desperate to understand why she had to endure such pain and hardship and what I had done, if anything, to possibly cause her to live the difficult life she was living.

When she was 9, she was running on the playground at school and died instantly from an arrhythmia.  She had a contagious passion for life and made each moment fun.  She sang and laughed while doing everything.  Everyone seemed to be drawn to her. Even strangers would come up to her and want to talk to her and touch her.  I have been contacted by people as far away as New York who had heard of a friend of a friend who knew Ally.

Since her passing, I find I have lost my passion for life.  I have another daughter who is recovering from the trauma of losing her only sibling.  I can’t help feeling that if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would be relieved.  I feel emotionally exhausted and I just want to move on from this part of my existence.

I know Ally is OK and I believe that I will see her again.  It is almost as if while she was alive, I felt a direct connection to God.  I could look at her and hold her and I felt this peaceful feeling that I believe came from her.  I do believe that she was an angel.

I do not fear death and just want this pain to end.  Living for 9 years with Ally, knowing in my heart that she was not going to live a full life, and then losing her so suddenly, has just drained me.  I continue on, have gotten my teaching credential, and I try every day to reach the children I teach and help them be the best they can be.  But something has changed in me.

Is there any way I can find that peaceful feeling again?  I want to learn from Ally, and be the best I can be every day.  I do not wish to end my own life, I just am longing for the feeling I had when my Ally was with me.  I have dreamed of her twice since her death and both times I felt the connection again.  Any words of wisdom? ~Cindee

Neale Responds:

My dear Cindee,

I can think of nothing more devastating to any person than the loss of a child.  I completely understand your emotional response to this, and I experience enormous empathy when reading your letter.  You are a brave and very strong woman to have continued on to obtain your teaching certificate and to create a life where you are around other children constantly, to say nothing of your other daughter, who is, in your words, still recovering from the trauma of losing her only sibling.  I am sure that I do not need to tell you that this daughter needs you now more than ever, and that the children who look to you for care and guidance in the classroom every day are likewise depending on you at a very high level.  So I see the unique situation in which life has placed you — and I honor you for holding that place with such courage.

The first thing I find myself wanting to do, Cindee, is recommend that you read (or re-read, as the case may be) my book Home with God: In a Life That Never Ends.  This book will reconfirm for you everything that you already seem to know about your wonderful Ally — and perhaps much more that you may only have wondered about or suspected.  Not the least of this information is the passage of that book having to do with the death of children.  That passage tells us, Cindee, that…

“Death is very kind to children, because children rarely move into death holding all sorts of preconceived negative notions about what happens afterward. They are pure. They have only just come from the spiritual realm. They are not that far removed from the Core of Their Being. They have just emerged from The Essence. And so small children move through the first stages of death very quickly and return almost immediately into Mergence with The Essence.

“It should be said that children ‘grow up’ in the Afterlife. That is, they become fully aware and fully conscious of all that is going on, and of Ultimate Reality. They know why they came to the Earth and they know why they left as early as they did. If they feel complete with all of that, they will move on, in whatever form they choose. If they do not feel complete, they will have the same opportunity to ‘come back to life’ as any other soul. The process is the same for all souls, no matter what the age of their body when they leave the physical world.

“But now I should like to say something about the agenda of children who die at a very young age.

“Those souls who enter the body and leave the body within a very short period — children who die…at a very tender age — inevitably do so in service to the agenda of another, at a very high level… In some cases they are required to leave early in order to do that. This is never, however, a tragedy for that soul. They have agreed to leave early.

“Every soul who comes to the body to serve the agenda of others is an angel — and every child who has died very young has done so to bring a gift to another. That gift may not be understood for some time by parents and others who are, naturally, deeply grieving.   But I promise you that as time goes by and healing occurs, the gift will be seen, it will be received, and the work of that little sweetheart — who could only be described as an angel — will have been accomplished.”

I know, Cindee, because you have told me so, that you already know that Ally was and is an angel.  But I wonder if you have previously considered the rest of that passage from HOME WITH GOD.  There is an agenda that Ally came here to serve, and it was not only her own.  Or, to put this another way, her own agenda was to serve the agenda of others.  These would include everyone whose life was touched by her…and you tell me that this was a great many people.  I am not surprised.  Yet have you considered the possibility that this included your own spiritual agenda, Cindee?

I know that, on the surface, that may be a difficult thing for a mother saddened by the death of her child to hear.  But I believe that just below the surface of that challenging statement is a deep revelation of enormous value.  I know that during the remainder of your years on Earth, Cindee, you will touch the lives of a great many people — and a great many of them, because of your chosen profession, will be children.  Do you think this is an accident?  I, Cindee, do not.  I see in it a perfect design. And I believe that you will be a more compassionate, more caring, more sensitive, more understanding, more insightful, more wonderful-in-every-way guide for those children than they could ever have hoped to find at their schoolhouse…all because of the experience in life that you have had, and that your angel Ally has brought you to.

I am going to go further, Cindee.  I am going to say that I believe that Ally and the souls of all those other children had it set up that way.  That is, your wonderful child died for a reason much larger than you might ever have imagined: to prepare you to touch the lives of not just one child, but hundreds and hundreds of children, in a way which could only emerge from a heart that had been broken…and healed again, thus to know the true wonder and glory of life, of childhood, of Divinity Itself, and the worth of each and every soul.  I believe every child in every classroom you ever enter from this day until the end of your life is waiting, Cindee, for you to give him or her that gift.  I believe that your other daughter awaits your giving of that gift every time she folds herself into your arms.  And I believe that when you hold her, you hold Ally, too.  For Ally’s soul accompanies the soul of her sister into your arms, that her healing and joy may be yours, even as yours is her sister’s.

Is this too large a reality for you to embrace or comprehend, Cindee?  I don’t think so, or you would never have written me.  So go now, and celebrate Ally’s everlasting presence by honoring her soul’s intention, and yours.  Shed not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, for as you bring lightness and happiness and the promise of tomorrow to all other children — and, indeed, to all people who enter your life — you bring them a piece of Ally…who, after all, was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, a piece of YOU.

God bless you, my friend, and thank you for writing to me.  A part of me shall be with you always because of this exchange we have shared.  Know that God sends you strength and wisdom in unending abundance.

With Love,
Neale

The Missing Shoes – A Dream

missing shoes

(From my chronicles – I still remember this dream like it was yesterday…)

18 August 2013 Sunday

I had a dream this morning. I was lost in a building – trying to find my way out. I was wearing a dark business suit – tailored shirt, jacket and trousers. I was walking around when I finally came to some glass panels with sliding doors. I went through and found myself looking down some stairs. There was a chain blocking it. I stepped over the chain and was about to take a step when I hesitated. It looked so steep! I was afraid I’d miss a step and fall.

I looked around and noticed a couple of escalators on the far side. I thought, That’ll be a lot easier and not so scary. I stepped back over the chain and went back through the sliding glass doors. I felt something on my head. I flicked it away with my hand and whatever it was fell to the floor. I glanced at it and saw that it was the chain from the steps. It got caught in my hair.

As I came to the glass entrance to the escalators, I noticed the escalators weren’t moving – Oh no, they’re out of order. I looked around and noticed a lady behind me. I was near the entrance doors of a theatre hall. She was the usher. She signaled to me – pointing to the sensors to make the escalator move. There was a green button at the side. But she came forward instead and touched it, signaling for me to step forward. I did and as the escalator started moving down I sensed the glass doors closing when she went back in. I looked back and saw the usher signalling to me again – I left my shoes behind! I looked down – I was barefoot. Never mind, I’ll go back. I turned as soon as I reached the bottom and rode the other escalator going back up. But when I reached the top, it was a totally different place.

This time there were two ladies nearby who looked like they were ushers as well. I asked them for directions to the entrance of the theatre hall that I came from. They said I have to go through their theatre halls to get back there. But if I didn’t want to be noticed by the cinema patrons, they said I should go through the one that was empty. I’m not afraid of people – so I said, “It’s okay, I don’t mind. And the movie hasn’t started anyway.”

As I went through the doors, I noticed it wasn’t a theatre at all but a classroom where some children were preparing for their lessons. As I walked towards the far corner, looking for the exit, one of the little girls called out to me, “You’re not supposed to be here! ” I said, “It’s okay, I’m just passing through.” I found the exit door and left.

Instead of finding myself at the place where I left my shoes, I found myself outside on the ground floor of the building. It was raining and I was still barefoot. There were a lot of people walking around. The place looked like it was a business area.

I thought I better take a bus back to where I came from to retrieve my shoes. The ride was a lot quicker than I thought and when I alighted I noticed I was the only passenger. The bus brought me to a hotel in a shopping mall. I decided I might as well just buy a new pair of shoes.

I found a shop that sold shoes that seemed reasonably priced. I took a pair of sandals from those that were displayed – checking the size. It was a size 5. I needed a 5 and a half or a 6. I requested the sizes from the young sales lady. I thought, How weird – she should be at the beach in that bikini she was wearing. Anyway, she did bring me a pair that was the right size but when I asked her how much it was – I thought the price was way too expensive for my budget. I told her I only had a few dollars in my bag. When I took out my wallet, I was surprised to find it contained different currencies from all over the world. The sales lady remarked, “Oh yes, we have plenty of those scam cases at this hotel.” Another lady customer agreed with her.

I felt disheartened. And I was still barefoot.

Then I woke up.

The Little Girl, the Boat and the Sun

boat

(From my chronicles)

9 June 2013 Sunday 8:35pm

The Story of the Little Girl, the Boat and the Sun

There was once a boat who asked everyone to come on board.

The boat said proudly, “I will protect you from the storms and the strong winds, my dear ones. Come on board, everyone!” The boat bobbed up and down on the water as one by one everyone got on board.

Then a little girl asked as she sat down, “Where are we going, Boat?”

The boat replied, “To look for the sun. The clouds have taken away the sun. Let’s look for the sun.”

The little girl looked at the water, a little puzzled by what she sees. She points and asks, “What is that?”

The boat answers, “Why, that’s the water, dear.”

“No, I mean, what’s that in the water?”

“You mean the reflection?”

The little girl nodded, “Yes.”

“Why, that’s you!” The boat replied.

The little girl’s face lit up, “Wow, she’s beautiful! Her eyes seem to shine like the sun!” Suddenly, the little girl straightened up and shouted, “Boat! I found the sun!”

“Where?” The boat asked, looking around.

“It’s in my eyes! The sun is in my eyes!” The little girl replied, “The sun is in me!” She stood up and said, “I have to go, Boat. I have already found the sun. I hope you find the sun too, Boat.”

And she turned to the others on board the boat and wished that each of them will find their sun.

So she disembarked, walked on the water and stepped ashore.

She turned and shouted, “Don’t worry, Boat! Don’t worry, everyone! I’ll come back and help you find your sun!”