The Bling Heart

11 July 2018 Wednesday 10:23pm

“Losing a loved one has a way of putting everything in perspective… please explain that one to me.”

That was a tweet from someone I follow on Twitter. He recently lost his 19 year-old son who died in his sleep. Can you please help us understand the phrase “has a way of putting everything in perspective”? Which I believe people like to say to someone who has just had a devastating or traumatic experience happen in their life.

What does the word “perspective” mean?

I found two relevant meanings on Dictionary app: One—the state of one’s ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.” Sample sentence is: “You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.” And the second meaning is “the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship.” Sample sentence is: “Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.”

Why do you think these two definitions are relevant to our discussion?

Well, because they mention the word “relationship”. Isn’t our discussion about relationships?

Yes, it is. So now repeat that statement above and let’s see how the definitions relate to it.

Okay. “Losing a loved one has a way of putting everything in perspective.” So now, I guess I’m supposed to replace the word “perspective” with its meaning?

Go ahead. Let’s see if we can expand on it.

Here goes—Losing a loved one has a way of putting everything into showing the facts one knows about having a meaningful interrelationship. Hm, that actually makes sense.

How so?

Many of us actually know the basic principles of how to maintain a strong and loving relationship. But many of us are sometimes too busy with matters of this world that we sort of put our own relationships with ourselves and with our own family to the back burner. What I mean is—our own self-growth and family interrelationships are not at the top of our To-do list. Sometimes we learn this folly the hard way. We don’t realise we had it good until we lose it—as the saying goes. It is when we lose someone we love that we sometimes realise we could have done so, so much more in making that relationship into a loving and enriching one.

That last sentence is the explanation, my dear. But to expand even more on it—imagine the word “perspective” in that statement as a jigsaw puzzle in the shape of a heart. And that heart-shaped puzzle shows all the relationships you’ve had in a span of a lifetime. When you are born, your life is like the outline of a heart which is a jigsaw puzzle—no pieces in place yet except for that one piece which is yourself. Let’s place it right in the middle. You are now standing alone in the middle of a heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle with no piece in place. As an infant, you have no perspective yet of who you really are because you are not able to make deliberate conscious choices when it comes to relationships. You have subconscious choices, of course, like instinctively relating to your birth mother or father. You are still not aware of these choices. It is when you learn to make conscious choices that you begin to acquire the other pieces of that heart-shaped puzzle. You will be acquiring these pieces as you go along through life. So now, you have a couple of pieces which are from your mother and father. (There are now several deviations when it comes to what is a family—but let’s keep it to the basic to make for easier discussion.) You may have pieces that are from your siblings. There will be from your relatives, like your grandparents, uncles and aunties, if any. As you grow into adulthood, there will be pieces coming from your teachers, friends, co-workers, lovers, husbands and wives, children, etc, etc. Now, as you stand in the middle with all these pieces around you, you begin to see the “perspective”. You begin to see who you really are in relation to all these relationships—which we refer to here as pieces of a puzzle that is the shape of you. Because this world is actually nothing but relationships. There might be pieces that you would see as brilliant in colour and there will be those that are not so brilliant—dim, in fact, because these particular pieces of relationships do not shine that much for you. And then there will be pieces that may have cracks in them.

I know what those are—broken relationships.

Yes.

What about a relationship whereby a parent loses a child that he or she loves very much? A child who never reached his or her fullest potential? What kind of jigsaw piece would that look like?

If there was immense love, then it would be a brilliant one.

But the parent’s heart is broken upon the child’s death. It can’t really have a crack on it, now can it?

You tell me how that piece would look like. After all, you have a very rich imagination.

Me? I don’t think so. Anyway, if I lost a child (touch wood) who I never saw grow up, I imagine that tiny jigsaw piece to be brilliant but there’ll be a shape of a teardrop on it. You know, like the crying emoticon.

A very good visual.

Thank you. So let’s get back to that statement. “Losing a loved one has a way of putting everything in perspective.” I’m thinking—is this meant to judge the heartbroken? Or is it meant to uplift?

The meaning of everything is the meaning you give it, my child. Imagine that you have just lost your loved one and you are grieving. You are looking at your heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle of life with all its pieces that are shining brightly and some not so bright. You have in your hand that little piece which is the symbol of your relationship with your lost loved one. That brilliant piece with a teardrop on it. Do you see any other piece that looks like that in your heart-shaped puzzle?

Of course. There’s my Dad’s piece. And then there’s that piece that represents my marriage.

Ah, your marriage. Which led to a divorce. Will that piece be brilliant or dim? Because how brilliant or how dim each piece will be is entirely up to you. Did a relationship enrich your life? Did you partake of any life lessons from it? Did it make you sad? Or depressed? Did it devastate? Is the relationship still active? Has it died?

I guess it would be brilliant because I’ve learnt a lot from it. And since I can choose how I perceive a relationship, then I want all the pieces in my heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle to be brilliant. How awesome that would look like! A heart-shaped puzzle that is so bling!

Yes, that heart would definitely shine for all the world to see. That is how the heart of a true master looks like.

Foetus vs Child

2 April 2018 Monday 11:03pm

…but a woman knows how to make decisions. And if she gets pregnant, then she gets pregnant. To me, having a baby is a blessing. There are women out there who would sell an arm and a leg just to be able to conceive. And yet when a child is conceived out of wedlock it is considered a curse. A child is a blessing whether its parents are married or not. Am I mistaken about that?

No, you are not. Once again rules of society are at play when it comes to how women should treat their bodies. At the moment, women are fighting for the right to have a say in what decisions they choose for their own bodies, especially when it concerns pregnancy. Your beliefs are the powers that be that have a say on how women should treat their bodies. Abortion is one of your biggest issues at the moment. The irony of it is that when a child is conceived out of wedlock – the situation and condition that the pregnant woman is in, is considered unacceptable in society’s eyes. Anything that which is borne out of wedlock, is also considered a sin. But it is also against your beliefs to get rid of that which is borne out of wedlock – which is abortion. So what is a woman to do?

She can abstain from sex, that’s what she can do.

That’s another one of your beliefs – sex out of wedlock is also a sin.

Well then, there’s the logic, isn’t it? Being pregnant outside marriage is a sin. So having sex out of marriage is also a sin. As for abortion being a sin, it’s like murder to some – murder is a sin.

And yet you have a thing called death penalty.

But that’s because of a heinous crime. A baby hasn’t committed any crime!

Isn’t a criminal in death row once a baby?

Argh! I don’t know where you’re coming from sometimes!

I’m coming from the truth, my child. So do you still think there’s logic in those beliefs?

Wait. What is “logic” anyway? Hang on. Okay. Logic means “a particular method of reasoning or argumentation.” Sample sentence is “We were unable to follow his logic.

So do you still think there’s sound reasoning with those beliefs? That it’s a sin to have sex outside of marriage? And that it’s also a sin to get pregnant outside of marriage? And then if the woman gets pregnant out of marriage, it’s also a sin to abort the foetus? So what is a woman to do if she’s already with child?

Wait a sec. First you called it a “foetus” and then next, you called it a “child.” So which is it?

Is there a difference?

The dictionary defines “foetus” as “the young of an animal in the womb or egg, especially in the later stages of development when the body structures are in the recognizable form of its kind, in humans after the end of the second month of gestation.” As for the word “child” the dictionary says it’s “a person between birth and full growth; a boy or girl.” But the dictionary says that the word “child” also means “a human foetus.”

So is there a difference between the word “child” and the word “foetus”?

Um…Yes and no. No, there’s no difference because a child in a womb is a foetus. And yes, there’s a difference to the meaning we give each word.

How so?

To me, “foetus” sounds like it’s not a person yet. As in, it’s not fully human yet. When it comes to the word “child” I feel like it already has its own mind. Or maybe even a soul.

Everything has a soul, my child – even plants. Anyway, I get where you’re coming from. Now imagine this – there’s a group that says they are for abortion. Let’s call them the Anti-Foetus Group. Now imagine another group that says they are against abortion. Let’s call them the Pro-Child Group. And these two groups are always at each other’s faces, shouting at each other, protesting that their group is right. Who do you think will win? The Anti-Foetus Group or the Pro-Child Group?

I have no idea. The word “foetus” & “child” mean exactly the same thing.

Precisely. Both groups are not fighting for the foetus or the child. They are fighting for the meaning they are giving to the words. It’s all about the meaning. And what is a meaning? A meaning is a thought. You are all fighting over a thought.

But a child in a womb is not a thought. It’s a living, breathing entity.

It’s not breathing yet.

Well, it has a heartbeat, that’s for sure.

So you’re Pro-Child?

Since you put it that way, maybe I am. My purpose is for all children after all.

As in living, breathing children?

Yes—wait. Haha. Nice trick. So are you saying that a foetus that isn’t breathing yet is not a child?

Didn’t we already discuss the meaning of the words “foetus” and “child”?

Fine. So are you saying they’re the same but they’re not the same?

Let me just say this – words can help you or words can destroy you. And it’s all because of the meaning or meanings you give each word. And most of the time you are all fighting over the meaning. And as I have said, a meaning is a thought. Most of the time you are fighting over a thought. Does that make sense to you?

I don’t know. Sometimes, nothing makes sense in this world anymore.

You can make something make sense with any sense anytime you wish, my child. By giving it meaning.

Oh no. I’m not going back there again. Meaning is a thought, thought is meaning, fighting over a thought which is the meaning. It’s a losing battle!

That’s the problem. Why does it have to be a battle? Why can’t it be a discussion?

Don’t ask me! I’m just writing stuff here.

I know, dear. I know.

The Missing Shoes – A Dream

missing shoes

(From my chronicles – I still remember this dream like it was yesterday…)

18 August 2013 Sunday

I had a dream this morning. I was lost in a building – trying to find my way out. I was wearing a dark business suit – tailored shirt, jacket and trousers. I was walking around when I finally came to some glass panels with sliding doors. I went through and found myself looking down some stairs. There was a chain blocking it. I stepped over the chain and was about to take a step when I hesitated. It looked so steep! I was afraid I’d miss a step and fall.

I looked around and noticed a couple of escalators on the far side. I thought, That’ll be a lot easier and not so scary. I stepped back over the chain and went back through the sliding glass doors. I felt something on my head. I flicked it away with my hand and whatever it was fell to the floor. I glanced at it and saw that it was the chain from the steps. It got caught in my hair.

As I came to the glass entrance to the escalators, I noticed the escalators weren’t moving – Oh no, they’re out of order. I looked around and noticed a lady behind me. I was near the entrance doors of a theatre hall. She was the usher. She signaled to me – pointing to the sensors to make the escalator move. There was a green button at the side. But she came forward instead and touched it, signaling for me to step forward. I did and as the escalator started moving down I sensed the glass doors closing when she went back in. I looked back and saw the usher signalling to me again – I left my shoes behind! I looked down – I was barefoot. Never mind, I’ll go back. I turned as soon as I reached the bottom and rode the other escalator going back up. But when I reached the top, it was a totally different place.

This time there were two ladies nearby who looked like they were ushers as well. I asked them for directions to the entrance of the theatre hall that I came from. They said I have to go through their theatre halls to get back there. But if I didn’t want to be noticed by the cinema patrons, they said I should go through the one that was empty. I’m not afraid of people – so I said, “It’s okay, I don’t mind. And the movie hasn’t started anyway.”

As I went through the doors, I noticed it wasn’t a theatre at all but a classroom where some children were preparing for their lessons. As I walked towards the far corner, looking for the exit, one of the little girls called out to me, “You’re not supposed to be here! ” I said, “It’s okay, I’m just passing through.” I found the exit door and left.

Instead of finding myself at the place where I left my shoes, I found myself outside on the ground floor of the building. It was raining and I was still barefoot. There were a lot of people walking around. The place looked like it was a business area.

I thought I better take a bus back to where I came from to retrieve my shoes. The ride was a lot quicker than I thought and when I alighted I noticed I was the only passenger. The bus brought me to a hotel in a shopping mall. I decided I might as well just buy a new pair of shoes.

I found a shop that sold shoes that seemed reasonably priced. I took a pair of sandals from those that were displayed – checking the size. It was a size 5. I needed a 5 and a half or a 6. I requested the sizes from the young sales lady. I thought, How weird – she should be at the beach in that bikini she was wearing. Anyway, she did bring me a pair that was the right size but when I asked her how much it was – I thought the price was way too expensive for my budget. I told her I only had a few dollars in my bag. When I took out my wallet, I was surprised to find it contained different currencies from all over the world. The sales lady remarked, “Oh yes, we have plenty of those scam cases at this hotel.” Another lady customer agreed with her.

I felt disheartened. And I was still barefoot.

Then I woke up.