How Not To Expect Anything

Today
8:53am

What’s the use of me telling everyone that I’m gonna shut up for 14 days when You’ll be handing me messages to post for everyone to read? It’s like I say one thing and do another.

Who told you to shut up for 14 days?

You did! Well, not exactly. You told me to take a break from tweeting and blogging.

Then why do you still keep posting and tweeting?

Because if I don’t then it’ll drive me crazy…well, crazier than usual.

Because you’re heeding your soul, child.

Then why did You–oh. Never mind. I know why.

Why?

You’re testing my faith, aren’t You?

No, dear one. I do not have to test your faith. I Am SHOWING your faith. I Am showing everyone that no matter what your soul desires, you will create. And I Am your soul, Am I not?

I hope so.

I’m kidding! Yes. You. Are. My. Soul. But why? Why do You have to show my faith to everyone?

Because not everyone believes in your faith. There are others out there who believe that you are doing this for your self-interest.

Of course I am! What I do for myself I do for another. I am heeding my soul’s desire coz I don’t want to feel like hell.

Has there ever been a time when you didn’t heed your soul’s desire?

Yes. Those dark days before…well, before you-know-what happened. You were pestering me and pestering me to create my reality.

Oh, I see. Now, I’m a pest.

No! I mean, when You were coaxing and persuading and reminding me.

How did it feel?

Like I said, they were dark days and it felt like hell. If hell feels like you just wanna disappear from the face of the earth then that’s how it felt.

What about after? After you created your reality. How did it feel?

Oh man. That was even worse. I wanted to die!

Why?

Why I wanted to die?

No. Why did you feel like you wanted to die?

Coz I was expecting a certain result. At that time I wasn’t clear about Your NO EXPECTATION thing yet. I was really, really in turmoil when what I was expecting didn’t happen.

How about now? Are you still unclear about what this NO EXPECTATIONS is all about?

Oh no. I am quite clear about it now. Every time I create my reality, I’ll just do it and then go about my day.

Give me an example of a recent creation of yours.

Okay. I guess that would be dad’s appeal for his eligibility for the Pioneer Generation Package. After dad received that Centre Pompidou letter, I realised how much work he had done as an architect when we first arrived in Singapore in the 70’s. We were among the first generation Filipino families who migrated here. Most of the head of the families were architects. And I guess they were needed here at that time because the infrastructure was still developing. Anyway. Fast forward. I’ve just been hearing about this Pioneer Package thing hovering in the media. I asked mum about it and asked whether they were included. She said she wasn’t sure, maybe not. Coz they received their citizenship a few years later than the stipulated requirement. That made me upset–

Again?

Well, yeah. When I say upset, I mean, I felt frustration and discontent that because of rules and regulations, dad will not be recognised for his hard work before he retired. And he put in a lot of hard work, I assure you (along with many other architects). His CV is quite impressive. That letter from Centre Pompidou is already proof of that, isn’t it?

Most definitely, child. That person at that institution heeded his soul by contacting your dad. And guess who asked him to do that?

Are You serious? You did that?

No, child, I did not do that. I simply put the thought in his soul. His body and mind did the rest. That is what is meant by heeding one’s soul. The desire of the soul.

Yeah. Exactly. When I found out mum and dad weren’t qualified, I checked out the website of this Pioneer Package thing. I just had to key in their IC numbers and it was confirmed–they weren’t qualified. But then I read that I can appeal for eligibility. At first, I thought, forget it. Let dad handle this himself. And that’s when the “feeling” started nagging at me. The thought of the appeal kept popping in my head for the rest of the day. That’s when I knew I had to do it. So I did. I emailed an appeal letter. I only told dad about it after I clicked SEND. I don’t know why I didn’t ask his permission first. Maybe because I felt I didn’t need to. The desire wasn’t there. But later on I did tell him and I even gave him a copy of the email that I sent. You know, just in case he got a call inquiring about it. And I think he is quite pleased coz I did it for his sake. So more or less he feels that I still care about his well-being. And, I received a reply yesterday. My appeal has been submitted to the yet-to-be-formed-appeal panel and we will be updated later on.

Do you think it will be approved?

I have no idea. Maybe, maybe not. No expectations.

How do you feel?

I feel awesome! It’s such an awesome feeling to be free. If I didn’t do it, I would feel guilty, and like, you know, neither here nor there. Like there’s no closure or something.

Have you always done it like this?

You mean, heeding my soul?

Yes.

Nope. It was only after I found out my truth and my purpose. And that everything has a purpose.

Before that?

My life before my truth is best forgotten. Let’s just say that if there were times when you’ve entertained the minutest thought of ever taking your own life, so have I. And let’s leave it at that.

And so we shall.

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